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1. Simbionte (santiago@mastodon.uy)'s status on Monday, 28-Aug-2023 18:37:39 UTC Simbionte

   in reply to

   • deutrino

   @deutrino 💪

   • deutrino (deutrino@mstdn.io)'s status on Monday, 28-Aug-2023 18:37:41 UTC deutrino

     in reply to

     it's probably worth adding that much of this sounds pretty negative because it is - I've been trapped in shitty no-win situations where I don't belong for well over half a decade at this point.

     however: I was extremely lucky to be exposed to new (to me) ways of thinking right at the start of all this which have kept me going.

     perhaps the biggest one is to not discount the positive in a negative situation. there is, was, and has been a lot of good here too. and I've learned a TON. 🤷🏻

   • deutrino (deutrino@mstdn.io)'s status on Monday, 28-Aug-2023 18:37:43 UTC deutrino

     in reply to

     the good news is - I literally *can* hike my ass out to the pine barrens and work out there so long as I can keep the rain off and, later on, the temp warm enough.

     it's an extremely shitty option, but unlike the last 4 years I now have all the gear to do it, as long as I have a working sim for the lte modem.

     and I'll need to take that option if it comes to that, because living here is quite literally aging me and ruining what's left of my life at this point.

     anyway, that's my update.

   • deutrino (deutrino@mstdn.io)'s status on Monday, 28-Aug-2023 18:37:44 UTC deutrino

     in reply to

     the other big portion of that catch-22 lurking below the surface is that due to my inability to consistently work where I live, plus the constant massive burnout induced by said living situation, means I have no capital to put down on a place, and I don't know how long it will take me to bounce back and start earning enough to pay my way somewhere else.

     based on experience I figure my mind can bounce back in a couple months in good conditions, but it also takes time to drum up business.

   • deutrino (deutrino@mstdn.io)'s status on Monday, 28-Aug-2023 18:37:51 UTC deutrino

     in reply to

     aside from all that, the next major practical concern: my car is on its lastest legs, the other neurodivergent roommate's car lease is up in 3 weeks, meaning that once my car is dead for good, I'm completely without any form of safety valve or ability to escape the never-ending shitshow here at the house, other than to hike my ass into the pine barrens and try to set up shop out there to have the requisite peace to think.

   • deutrino (deutrino@mstdn.io)'s status on Monday, 28-Aug-2023 18:37:51 UTC deutrino

     in reply to

     I am trying to branch out and rustle up options of somewhere else to go (to live, not just for hours or days) but it's subject to the same catch-22 that's been stepping on my neck the entire time I've been here, namely that the place where I live strips me to the bone and grinds my mind into dust and there is very little of me left over to do the necessary socializing to find other places to go. all that being said I am perhaps very illogically hopeful that something will turn up soon.

   • deutrino (deutrino@mstdn.io)'s status on Monday, 28-Aug-2023 18:37:53 UTC deutrino

     in reply to

     on a personal level I've been intensely dysphoric for a number of days. more impactful than expected covid coupled with the realization that the people I live with only give a fuck about my well-being in a very abstract way at best, coupled with delayed reprocessing of rejection by my scumbag biofamily just after my best friend died almost exactly 1 year ago. I knew *that* particular shit would be coming home to roost eventually and it chose the past 2 weeks, but seems now to be easing?

   • deutrino (deutrino@mstdn.io)'s status on Monday, 28-Aug-2023 18:37:55 UTC deutrino

     everything's been out of whack since I got covid at the same time I had to vacate "my" room for a giant drunken bash at the house ... it's been slow to get the ship righted, although I've been able to do a little bit of paying work here & there throughout.

     I think my "enlarged spleen" as a result of covid might have actually been something else, and I've been sleeping a lot, but the continued symptoms are slowly receding. my sense of smell is still very weak, though.